Trust

I remember when I was a little girl I would hang around my older brothers.  I love my brothers and I know that they loved me, but they would get me to do really silly things.  Once they talked me into getting inside of a trunk.  They told me not to be scared, and they would let me out if I wanted out.  So, like any child who loves and wants to be accepted by an older sibling I got into the trunk.  After about  thirty seconds I wanted out.  I could hear them laughing and they didn’t let me out.  I was screaming and crying and after a couple of minutes they opened the trunk.

The trunk incident wasn’t the last time that my older brothers did something mean to me.  When you are a small child you trust that your siblings wouldn’t hurt you.  Another time they talked me into getting inside of this small broom closet.  They said they would let me out when I wanted to get out, but they locked me inside and I was screaming and crying.  My father let me out and he gave my brothers the whipping of their lives.

I don’t know if it was then that my trust issues began, but as I got older I learned to NEVER trust anyone.  I do know that my issues with small spaces comes from being locked in small spaces; but I digress.  The minute I hear the words “trust me”; a wall goes up so thick that dynamite couldn’t penetrate it.

I met a guy, fell in love and gave my heart away.  Everyday I thought to myself “you have given this man your heart, your love and most of all your trust, will he keep these things safe?”  After a couple of years I thought everything was going to be alright, I can let him get even closer.  I thought he’d never betray me.  Then BAM!  He broke that trust.  He broke my heart.  He killed my ability to ever let anyone close to me.

This time I built a wall around myself that is more secure than Fort Knox.  I don’t let people get close to me.  Whenever I hear the word “trust” or “love” I back away.  I run as fast as I can because I know that nobody can be trusted.  At some point people will hurt me, or let me down so I don’t trust anyone.  Trust is like an evil word that I need to stand clear of.

How do you know when to trust someone?  How do you know that when you give your heart to someone that they will keep it safe?  Someone told me once to leap and then the net will appear.  What if it doesn’t?  Does having trust issues mean that I’m destined to be alone?

Responses

  1. I think your concluding questions are really good for self-reflection. If only they were easy answers!

    What do you think about when someone says “I trust my instinct” or “I trust myself”? Does trust in one’s self also illicit the same negative feelings as trusting other people?

    • That is a very good question. I thought about this for quite some time. Trust runs deep and it begins within. Do I trust myself to make decisions regarding my life? Yes. I have to trust myself. We are all lead to make decisions based on our morals and values, but because of our need to belong or our need to be loved sometimes our judgement gets cloudy. We want to believe that people in our lives will not hurt us or lead us astray. People may start out with good intentions and we only see what is on the surface so we let our guard down and let others get close to us. The bad thing is that there is evil in this world and some people will manipulate us for their own selfish gains.

      So, do I trust my own instincts – yes. What I feel is best for me is to keep people at arms length because it is the only way that I can spare myself the hurt and pain that others may inflict if they get to close. Is it lonely? Yes. Will I ever be able to trust others? I don’t think so.

  2. Ok, I feel that people should definately earn trust. I would not trust anyone I just met on the street. I feel that a person should show you that they will be there for you when you dont expect it, dont want, or think you dont need it. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world to love and trust another person and know that there is someone that has your back in all of this madness.
    That being said I would have to say that there are certain limits that I put on trusting others depending on my history with that person and not wanting to be the one who gets fooled twice. I think a lot of it is fear, no one wants to feel afraid and trusting someone is scary because you never really know someones intentions until the damage is done. It takes courage to trust in another person and believe and have faith that they are there for you and will not intentionally hurt you. There definately needs to be a strong enough foundation layed so when you do take that leap of faith you know that person is leaping with you and not watching you fall. I believe that never trusting anyone at all is a hard way to live because it is so lonely because there is only a certain amount of time a person can stay around knowing they are not trusted before they begin to feel like maybe its not them that cant be trusted and the distrust is being pushed on them by a distrustful person(if that makes sense). If you truly trust in yourself to make the right decisions for you then you would know who to let in and who to keep out and I hardly believe that your heart is telling you to lock everyone out and to be alone forever.

    • We have to trust ourselves before we can trust anyone. You are right people should earn trust. Before we enter into any relationship we look within ourselves and we decide how much we are willing to share with others. We decide at that very moment if we are going to risk laying a foundation with another person. Then it depends on what type of relationship we decide to have with another person. Whether it is just as an associate, a friend or a significant other we look within ourselves and decide if we are willing to trust that this other person will do right by us.
      As I mentioned some people start out with good intentions and then along the way they get turned around. Sometimes your own family will let you down or hurt you in some way. They may not set out to hurt you, but maybe they feel that to help or be there for you means that they somehow will hurt themselves. Nobody wants to be hurt and after being hurt by others you become very weary of any and every one. I’m not advocating my life style to anyone; I am just doing what I feel is right for me. Yes it gets very lonely, but at least I know that I am safe. Maybe some time in the future I may open the window again, but even then it will be just a small amount.

  3. First let me start by saying this….

    Trust in God with all your heart do not lean upon your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

    One must first be willing to let the pass go… Maybe seeing a therapist

    One can not move forward with the pass lingering over them. Im not saying to put yourself or your children in harms way.

    But one can not let the pass keep them from moving forward

    Come to me all who are toiling and loaded down and I will refresh you. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for your souls for my yoke is kindly and my load is light. (Matthew 11:28)

    No one said thatyou can’t have a guard up but that guard has to be loose enough to let another person in and not hold them accountable for what has happened in the pass.

    No one is perfect we all have faults.

    Another will try to deal with a person but one does get tired of trying. Refer back to Matthew 11:28 Its only so much a person can take from someone with lots of old baggage.

    Different people are trusted with different things…But then the question is do you still really trust them….. Or is it that you just say ok I’am going to trust this person but you are still hoping that they pull through for you and not pull a fast one on you (car repair shop) if they mess your vehicle up or not fix the problem but charge you anyway then what happens. Do you carry that trust issue with you and be afraid to go to other shops.

    There’s no real answer to when to trust someone because for each person it is different

    People trust enough to marry someone but then there’s the money issues, the gambling issues, the cheating issues

    But should those things keep one from not letting another in

    As far as giving your heart for it to be kept safe the Bible says when there is no skillful direction, the people fail (proverbs 11:14)

    But there again we are not perfect man nor women for there is no man righteous in the earth that keeps doing good and does not sin (ecclesiastes 7:20)

    We as humans will go through many different trails and tribulations.

    Learn more from those things. To lock oneselves down because of it is ludicrous

    As long as one has faith in God they are not alone and never will be alone.

    • Thank you very much for your comment. I took some time to mull over the things that you said. I do know that NO ONE is perfect. I’ve asked myself over and over why I could not protect myself from such heartache and misery. The passage from Proverbs is the passage I used myself when I decided to let this person into my life. Since I do believe in God I think that when things got out of control it was my faith that told me to walk away.

      I can’t say if the person intentionally hurt me, but it is what happened after the break. If a person loves and cares about you then they would take the time to apologize for their transgressions and try to make amends. When a person just walks away and doesn’t take the time to consider how their actions affect another they show themselves for what they truly are – selfish. I would not ever trust this person again. We can’t even be friends. When someone cuts you so deeply the flesh will heal, but the scar remains and I cannot live my life that way. What good is a relationship if you can’t trust the person you are with?

      I also know that when we carry around baggage it is extremely difficult to take that leap again. I’ve always been a very cautious person so when I open up and let someone in; it’s like I’m giving away the key to the most exclusive club ever. I have learned a very valuable lesson and I will move on with my life. Will I continue to have trust issues? Yes. I will look a lot harder at the image before me and I will know when the time is right for me.

  4. I agree with one of the other comments – trust has to be earned. Trust is a very fragile thing and once it is broken it is very hard to trust that person again. What I think is that you let that one person hurt you so bad that you have now isolated yourself and that isn’t a good thing. Everybody that you meet won’t hurt you, but the only way to find out is to let other people in. Let them earn your trust. When we experience a bad break up we tend to be more cautious. Use that experience as a lesson learned but don’t let that experience rule the rest of your life because you will be a very unhappy person.

    • Thanks Deeci. This is one of my favorite songs. It was as if A.K. knew exactly what I was dealing with. I’m from the school of hard knocks so I won’t let that one experience rule my life.

  5. I also agree with Azafam, I also agree with Deeci

  6. You may or may not like my kind of music because it may not be or your cultural backround but please listen to what the music is saying

    • Thanks for the video. We are lucky to have just one love.


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