Solitude

Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt all alone?   Have you ever felt invisible?

Solitude

Alone, loneliness, quiet, stillness, peaceful, serenity, eternal, tears, heartache, anger, pain, hurt, desperation, despair. Hate, rage, sadness, forever, good byes, tension, release.  Drained, single, dark, cold, stone, death, depression, failure, dark spiral into nothingness, worthlessness, destruction, silence, secretive, distrust, evil, madness, hostility.

I’ve heard it said that solitude is a good thing.  It’s time alone to think and reflect on things that happen in your life.  It helps you to become a better person because you have time to think about whom you really are, and what you want out of life.  But, sometime that soul searching can lead you into a silence that can kill your self image.   I like being alone.  I don’t have to depend on anyone, I don’t have to cook, or get dressed when I don’t feel like it.  I don’t have to answer to anyone.  There is nobody around to work my nerves into frenzy.  I like going for long walks really early in the morning enjoying all the beautiful things that we seem to overlook in our hurried pace through life.

Then there are times that the loneliness starts to eat away at my spirit.  I am filled with self loathing and disgrace.  I feel like an outsider watching life just pass me by.  I think that I’m unworthy of having any type of relationship with anyone.  I have periods when I hate everything about myself.  I’m unable to communicate my feelings to others, because no one ever asks who I am or what I am feeling.  I wonder if I send off signals that tell people not to intrude on my space. 

Solitary confinement is used to punish people also.  It is said that people need human contact in order to survive.  If a person isn’t used to spending time alone solitude can drive them insane. The silence becomes deafening.  I’ve heard of people forgetting how to communicate with others because they don’t have contact with people.  But what about when you do have contact with people and you still feel all alone? 

I know I’m human, made of flesh and bones but somehow I’m invisible.  It’s as if I don’t even exist.  It feels like I’m just watching the things that go on around me.  I hear people talking and laughing, but they never seem to notice that I am there.  I stand silently watching myself fade into the background, wondering am I invisible?

Responses

  1. I feel where you are coming from on that, but I think it is when you start having those feelings of invisibility and lonliness that you have to remember that you are on this earth for a reason and each breath you take is one of purpose. Sometimes we need to take our shades off and open our eyes and notice that we are seen everyday and in some way shape or form we impact someone elses life. There is no being that is unseen, even the lady that stays in the house all day is known to everyone if only by the name”that lady who stay in the house all day”.

    I definately feel this though we all have our moments when we feel like life should be more than what it is, we are all human, but it is the action taken after having such a feeling that really means something.

    • Yes, I know that people can see me. This is a feeling of being invisible. I like the example that you used – even the lady who stays in the house all day is seen and known if by nothing else but the woman who lives and stays in the house. Yes, we are seen by others even if they do not acknowledge us. When a person has experienced the same reaction at crowded places you start to wonder if you are invisible. You wonder to yourself “is it me? Is the way I look? Is it the way my clothes come unfastened? Do I smell? Am I not good enough? etc. People want to feel welcomed, be accepted and acknowledged. I know that I have made an impact on people even when they don’t acknowledge me. If its just that people say “did you see what she was wearing?” Or, “she had some nerve to show up here”, I know that I have made an impact on another person. When people don’t acknowledge my presence by speaking to me I feel like I can just be the paint on the wall.

      I haven’t stopped living by any means. I still shop, eat out, go to the movies, go to concerts, and walk in the park. It would be nice if I had someone to talk too, laugh with share my thoughts and ideas with, have a shoulder to cry on. One of the reasons for starting this blog was to reach out to others. I know there are people out there that may feel the same as I do, and I wonder what they do to feel included.

  2. In the present world human kind is facing a situation where majority of them are foaming around hopelessly, they have wrong ideologies, they lack direction and foucs. In other words, human spiritneed a real boost to change thesituation. The most important step for men in this regard is to bring back thier focus. their ideologies must be set right. They should be cautious enough not to fall in for temptations. They should have faithand hope.

  3. when used in moderation, solitude isnt so awful. but in excess, it can quickly become a bad thing. eve was put on this earth for adam. communication is a part of our human nature. we all need to be loved, have someone to share our emotions with and even tell our secrets to. a way to get out of this feeling of loneliness could be to get out and do things that you love to do. communicate with and befriend these people that also have the same interest as you. get involved in social groups or activities. realize that even your closest family will get on your nerves sometimes and be a little more lenient with people you are getting to know. feel in your heart that you have a purpose in your own life. know that you have a reason to be here. your feeling of solitude should diminish when you begin to see “you” when you look in the mirror.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: